What cancer has taught me...

This last semester has been quite an emotional and spiritual journey for me. I don't know if many know this but i have grandparents that live in Logan. My grandma was diagnosed with lung cancer about 4 years ago and has been doing chemo and fighting for about 3 years now. Since i have been in Logan for the last 2 years, i have become a lot closer to my grandparents as I try and visit them as much as i can with my crazy college life schedule. The time that i spend with them is priceless to me.

This last week on Thursday i was done with classes and didn't work so i spent the afternoon with my grandparents. My grandma is the hospital right now fighting an infection so i spent the first half of the afternoon with my grandpa. He came and picked me up and took me to lunch. We went to Subway and then back to his house. We spent a couple of hours just talking. My grandpa is so funny and always makes me laugh. I think he needed some time to get his mind off of grandma and so we just spend the afternoon talking about everything. He told me a lot of stories about his childhood and about my dad's childhood. I learned a lot about my family's history that i didn't know about. I enjoyed our conversation a whole lot and decided that i need to get a voice recorder and bring it with me every time i get him talking about his life. After we talked for a bit we went back to the hospital to keep my grandma company. We got there and she was watching a Christmas movie on the Hallmark channel. So i just sat there with her and watch the hallmark channel with her and talked with her. As it was getting later i had my grandpa get ready to take me home. I had a really hard time leaving my grandma. I knew she was doing ok but i knew that i wouldn't see her for a few weeks since i was headed home for winter break the next morning. As i bent down and gave her a hug she just hugged me for a little bit and then kissed me on the lips and told me she loved me. I love my grandma so much, that was a really special moment for me.

 As i was headed out of the doors my grandpa went over to her and bent down and kissed her and told her he loved her and that he would be back. He kissed her again and i saw the love in their eyes. I was awestruck at how much they loved each other. The fact that they take the time for that kind of goodbye when my grandpa was just going to be gone for a little bit, really showed me what true love is like. I want a love like theirs.

 As my grandpa was driving me home i got brave and asked him the question that i has been on my mind for some time. I asked him how much longer he thought that grandma had left here on earth. He told me that he didn't think a whole lot longer. My heart broke and i felt so many different emotions. It has been really hard for me to see my grandma so sick. I remember her when she use to have so much energy and was always cooking and playing games and such. It has been hard. But when i think how it has been hard for me, i feel really selfish. I can only imagine how it must be hard for my grandparents. As i was trying to figure out what to say to my grandpa after he said that, he continued talking to me. He told me that he hated to see her be so sick and weak and he just wanted her to not be sick anymore. He then started talking about the plan of happiness. He wasn't scared for her to die. He knew that when she died she would be surrounded by family and be with our Heavenly Father. He talked about how he knew that he would see her again. He was so glad for the blessings of the temple and the promise of eternity with her. At that point i couldn't keep my tears back. I was filled with so much peace from the words of my grandpa. He talked about how he just didn't know how people who didn't know this gospel, could go through the process of death not knowing if they would see their loved ones again. I can't even express how much i love this gospel and how much peace it brings to me.

Whatever happens in the next year or the next few months or even weeks with my grandma, i KNOW that when she passes away she will be happy and feel no more pain. I know that she will always be watching me and help protect me. I also know that my grandpa will be ok. He has such a strong testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ. He will continue living righteously until the time comes for him to meet up with her. I have grown so much spiritually by knowing my grandparents and learning from them through their actions and words. I just wanted to dedicate a blog post to them. I have learned what love looks like after many many years of being together. So many years my grandma has been the one to always be on her toes to help grandpa out wait on him. Its so sweet to see him returning the favor. I have learned what it looks like to endure to the end and staying faithful to the gospel of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I have learned how to look for the positive in hard times, how to not be so down. I will always be so grateful for the time that i get to spend with my grandparents and to learn from them.

What cancer has taught me; it sucks, its painful, it kills, but it also brings people closer, makes you want to love a whole lot more, makes the gospel more real, makes you appreciative of Heavenly Fathers plan, and makes you spend your time more wisely and look at the positive. It makes you become a better person!